What a week!

Last Tuesday we were informed that there were “major concerns” with our adoption paperwork, due to our lack of net worth. We were told that there was a 50% chance of us being rejected by Ethiopia, and that rejection would come after we had already gone to Ethiopia to meet “our” child. This was a lot of risk… and we decided too much unless we heard clearly from the Lord that we were to proceed.

A lot of people were praying for wisdom and discernment and on Friday, we experienced a breakthrough of peace in that respect. We switched to domestic.

I haven’t a clue how all of the pieces fit together. As best as I can figure, this is all about timing. If we knew we were going domestic, we would have started months ago. But we’ve got to believe that now is the right time, not then, and that these twists and turns are only part of a grand adventure that we don’t understand yet.

Maybe I’m selfish… I have 4 children and I want more… but a piece of our family has seemed to be missing ever sense we decided to begin our adoption journey 2 1/2 years ago. Our house is so big and is longing to be filled. I have tried to detach myself and I just can’t. So, here I am jumping into an abyss that I can’t see the bottom of, heart exposed and vulnerable. I would rather live that way than all closed up inside. I would rather risk the bleeding, knowing that there’s redemption in all things when you turn them over to the Lord.

I don’t fully trust that this will all work out the way I’ve dreamed, but I know that He has called us to it and He will be faithful.. so we move forward.

In our home there are many maps, many cultural books from Africa and beyond, and so in one way I’m mourning the loss of that heritage meshed with our own. Maybe I will only visit those foreign lands in my prayers. Or maybe there is still a “someday” for international adoption for us. Maybe not. I am not the author of my story.

But I know my story has a good Author.

And I can’t wait to read the next chapter.

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