The kids and I were out at dinner tonight and got a compliment that really made my day.

“Your kids are really well behaved. You don’t see that much anymore.”

Oh my goodness I wanted to bear hug that old man. I haven’t gotten a compliment on the kids’ behavior in over a year, I think. Most of the time I get those “get control of your kids” looks from people… or maybe I’m just paranoid and insecure, but I just want to say “I’m trying, really I am, but see I have 3 little kids and only 2 hands, so you’re just going to have to cut me some slack.” My mom thinks we’re too strict with them. Sometimes I feel like we’re not strict enough. We’re really trying to be consistent, to mean what we say, to follow through, to not overlook or play down rebellion (which the Bible says is like witchcraft)… but really the bottom line is that these little people are…. people… and I have they have their own minds and feelings and will and I can’t control them like a puppeter.  99% of the time I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing with them. God may have graced me with the ability to teach them, but the whole behavior thing is not my strength. Nor is potty training, but that’s a different story…

My dear Hosanna is 1. How did that happen? Yeah, kids grow fast, but she’s grown abnormally fast. And yet she is no where near walking yet, so I get to enjoy her baby stage a little longer. She’s been so fun! So content, peaceful, playful… a true joy! This year with her has certainly been different than the other kids’ first years. And yet, I’m really kind of sad that she’s 1. Perhaps it’s because I’m not pregnant this time around with another baby to look forward to.

Not that I’m a fan of the baby stage. It’s my least favorite stage. I kind of fumble through it until they start naming letters and colors and then I perk up.

As much as Hosanna and Hadessah look alike, I’m glad that their personalities are not identical. Don’t get me wrong. I ADORE Hadessah. She’s so smart, funny, and very sensitive to other’s feelings. She’s a true intercessor and I really think she could be a prayer leader by age 7. She says the most profound things and we have so much fun together. But she’s not a complacent, content child. I say left and she says right. I say stand and she sits. She’s head strong, strong willed, whatever you want to call it, she would try to reason me into the grave if I let her. She’s like ME and that’s why it bothers me so much. Really, it used to be when a preacher would say “Let’s stand” something in me would grit my teeth and say “I’d like to remain seated THANK YOU VERY MUCH!” Oh, that seed of rebellion… not wanting to be submitted to anyone else, wanting to always lead… The Holy Spirit has had to work with me so much on this as an adult (because I wasn’t discliplined hardly AT ALL as a child).

Time will only tell who Hosanna will blossom into, but for now when I tell her to come to me she hurries on over. My little child of promise!

We’re waiting for Harvest, even though we’re not even sure what that means. Just that God will bring this child to us at some point. When I watch my kids playing it’s as if something’s missing… someone’s missing. It’s like a dull ache that gets covered over with the business of life, but when I reflect on him there’s a groaning within me.  I don’t even know how this thing works… the spirit of adoption that people talk about, preach about… how do I love this little boy whom I don’t even know? Have never seen? How can I keep hoping when it seems so unreachable right now? But I do know that God is faithful to begin what He started in me. So we wait on Him.

I realize that this post has been all over the place. All these random thoughts just waiting to be written…