So, this past weekend I slipped away, on my own, to Kansas City for a short refueling. Before we moved to KC, every time I visited the prayer room I’d have some kind of grand experience. A significant prophetic dream, a vision, a life changing word given… something. Although I was hoping for something of that nature, my time away was more like just a bath in pure oil. It was so good, and so needed. No, not a long term solution, and I doubt I’ll get to do that again for a long time… but it was so good. So good to sit under Misty’s devo and just soak in the presence of the Lord… to feel Him everywhere. To just enjoy Him and know He’s enjoying me… just hanging out. It took me 3 hours to read 7 chapters of Luke. I had the best nights’ sleep I’ve had in a long, long time. I tend to have trouble getting to sleep, but man I slept great! I asked God for just time together, and though I would have loved to stop by and see some friends, I knew that my time there was so fleeting. Last time I visited KC, I never even made it to the prayer room because I was visiting people. At any rate, I didn’t run into anyone I knew there. No one. It really was just me and the Lord.

On the car ride I listened to a lot of Paul Washer, and the sessions from the Atlanta summit. I wept, and I mean WEPT, at the prophetic word for GHOP about the blocks. It undid me. And of course, when Paul Washer preaches, I’m convicted and left longing to live more fully abandoned to the Lord. Somewhere along the way, a burden was lifted.

So, now I’m back. I would have liked to teach the CEM class last night with some kind of apostolic authority. In reality, “the city of fog” still seems just that, and I so lack anointing and clarity to teach these kids. There’s a dense spiritual fog over this city. I can say something over and over and over and over again and be met with only foggy understanding, an almost-recollection a few minutes later. It is so weak. So very, very weak. And yet God delights in the building.  I was reading Luke today and was struck by a similarity. Jesus tells the disciples what is going to happen with in-your-face clarity. He didn’t beat around the bush. It was so to the point. And yet it says the disciples didn’t get it! They didn’t understand! But it would all be brought to their rememberance later by the Holy Spirit, and these dull disciples would turn the world upsidedown.  So I’ll have to remember this when it seems like I’m not getting far with these kids. I am just a vessel. It’s not my job to transform lives or hearts. I pray. I speak.  And I have to trust the Holy Spirit for all the rest.

One of the things I was convicted about was facebook. I am an all-or-nothing kind of person, and whatever I do I tend to do all the way. In other words, I lack moderation. And self-control. So, Saturdays are now my facebook days. I’ll just have to be out of the loop, which if fine as long as my heart is alive in God. That’s what matters.

Anyway, back to life. Back to “Mommy! Kiah’s eating the toothpaste again” and such adventures of motherhood. Back to learning to commune with the Lord in the midst of the craziness of 3 little ones, in the midst of outside pressures and the absence of regular time in a prayer room. And since this is where He has me right now, I know it’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. I trust His leadership. It’s not easy, but it’s making me strong in Him. Amen!